Sunday, June 25, 2006
I think i have depression or something... I've been really moody since i found out some things that were pretty hurtful... But then again... I might just be reading too much into the situation... I thought the trip to phils would help me forget all that.. it did, but only while i was there... cuz i didn't have to encounter the things that were making me depressed...
How is it possible for someone to have depression and know it... Actually, i don't exactly know what i'm depressed about... it's hard to keep secrets to yourself in a situation where the parties involved in the secret are people you see everyday... suddenly it seems that there is no secret after all, and you go back to not knowing the secret anymore... Go figure... I don't get it either... Maybe it's the lack of communication... when you are afraid to ask the question... afraid that the answer will hurt...
That's me... I'm pretty sharp-tongued and straightforward, but i'd rather keep things to myself if it is a lie or if the response will hurt me... I don't know... It's something I can't deal with... I probably look carefree to most people, even my family... No one knows the real me... Everyone's kind of like that, i guess... What you know about me is probably the happy-go-lucky, capable, easy-going, sometimes with 'attitude' problem side of me... That is the emotionless me... I'm afraid to show my real feelings to people... I continue my search to find someone who can truly understand me, really take the time to get to know me... help me with some of my burdens... help me to let go... I need security... Geez... I find myself getting tooo mushy... See, that is the strong, hard side of me talking... The weak side must never be shown... but it needs help, cuz it's drowning...
How is it possible for someone to have depression and know it... Actually, i don't exactly know what i'm depressed about... it's hard to keep secrets to yourself in a situation where the parties involved in the secret are people you see everyday... suddenly it seems that there is no secret after all, and you go back to not knowing the secret anymore... Go figure... I don't get it either... Maybe it's the lack of communication... when you are afraid to ask the question... afraid that the answer will hurt...
That's me... I'm pretty sharp-tongued and straightforward, but i'd rather keep things to myself if it is a lie or if the response will hurt me... I don't know... It's something I can't deal with... I probably look carefree to most people, even my family... No one knows the real me... Everyone's kind of like that, i guess... What you know about me is probably the happy-go-lucky, capable, easy-going, sometimes with 'attitude' problem side of me... That is the emotionless me... I'm afraid to show my real feelings to people... I continue my search to find someone who can truly understand me, really take the time to get to know me... help me with some of my burdens... help me to let go... I need security... Geez... I find myself getting tooo mushy... See, that is the strong, hard side of me talking... The weak side must never be shown... but it needs help, cuz it's drowning...
what we could have been, 6/25/2006 03:22:00 PM.
