Sunday, September 02, 2007
it's hard to be myself sometimes, especially when there are alot of mes around. Should i be the shy, quiet girl i was in secondary school, the smiley, calm girl i am at work, or the friendly, off her rockers girl in poly?
It has been said that i am very different at work and at school, and i know it. Yet it has also been said that i'm very upfront with my thoughts and personality. But everyone has their secrets, me included. Perhaps i have more secrets than you think i have. It gets awkward when people from the different 'worlds' in my life meet, or when i have to meet someone from my past. I've changed leaps and bounds, and i'm not sure if you can take the change in me, so i force myself to remember what i must have been like to you. i used to be shy and quiet, but now that only takes up 10% of me, i dare to speak now, i'm much more outgoing than you are now. In fact, i have matured more than any of you. While you still live in your world of matchmaking classmates just because they sat together just once during recess, and rant on and on about it for 2 years after graduation, i am living in a simulated real world, doing what it takes to secure a better job, working so that i can keep uo with my lifestyle and committments. you guys don't know how good you're getting it. i have humungous problems with my parents, i have a love-hate relationship with them, but so does everyone else. There is no need to think that the world is crumbling down over a reasonable curfew or a self-image problem. when one can spend $100 without thinking if there's still enough to pay the utility bills, that is very lucky already. But i've noticed that it's unbelievable what a structured lifestyle of just studying and moving in the same social circles can do to you. it becomes hard to leave that juvenile state of mind no matter how knowledgeable of chemistry and physics one is. that is not a practical skill that you can live on to survive and make money with. and the best thing is, some don't even know what they want to do and don't try out anything at all. the attitude is attrocious. at least i know i want to me in the media industry and i'm learning stuff that will help me break into it. even my sister knows she wants to be a nurse. and those supposedly smarter people with better grades out there don't even know what they want. gosh. i'm irritated. kthxbai.
It has been said that i am very different at work and at school, and i know it. Yet it has also been said that i'm very upfront with my thoughts and personality. But everyone has their secrets, me included. Perhaps i have more secrets than you think i have. It gets awkward when people from the different 'worlds' in my life meet, or when i have to meet someone from my past. I've changed leaps and bounds, and i'm not sure if you can take the change in me, so i force myself to remember what i must have been like to you. i used to be shy and quiet, but now that only takes up 10% of me, i dare to speak now, i'm much more outgoing than you are now. In fact, i have matured more than any of you. While you still live in your world of matchmaking classmates just because they sat together just once during recess, and rant on and on about it for 2 years after graduation, i am living in a simulated real world, doing what it takes to secure a better job, working so that i can keep uo with my lifestyle and committments. you guys don't know how good you're getting it. i have humungous problems with my parents, i have a love-hate relationship with them, but so does everyone else. There is no need to think that the world is crumbling down over a reasonable curfew or a self-image problem. when one can spend $100 without thinking if there's still enough to pay the utility bills, that is very lucky already. But i've noticed that it's unbelievable what a structured lifestyle of just studying and moving in the same social circles can do to you. it becomes hard to leave that juvenile state of mind no matter how knowledgeable of chemistry and physics one is. that is not a practical skill that you can live on to survive and make money with. and the best thing is, some don't even know what they want to do and don't try out anything at all. the attitude is attrocious. at least i know i want to me in the media industry and i'm learning stuff that will help me break into it. even my sister knows she wants to be a nurse. and those supposedly smarter people with better grades out there don't even know what they want. gosh. i'm irritated. kthxbai.
what we could have been, 9/02/2007 01:27:00 PM.
